"Prostate Surgery Ruined My Life": Change Your Story By Building The Right Team
Studies have shown approximately 13% of men have some regret about their prostate cancer treatment decisions. While options such as a prostatectomy (prostate removal surgery) have an incredibly high success rate in terms of beating the cancer, there can be side effects such as urinary leakage and decline in sexual function that impact men’s quality of life. While there are research-backed options to improve and/or fully resolve these consequences, many men are not given adequate information or resources to make steady, meaningful gains. Working with a team of providers including a pelvic floor physical therapist or men’s health coach, sexual health coach, andrologist, and mental health therapist can help you reach your goals and make sure you are not only cancer-free, but can enjoy the life you saved.
Prostate Surgery Regret
I frequently browse the Internet to get a pulse on any new trends in prostate cancer care and to better understand the experience of men who are going through it. I have been shocked to repeatedly see things like this:
“Do others struggle with feelings of resentment toward life and their wife post surgery?”
Reddit post title in r/ProstateCancer 2026
“Do any other people regret getting a prostatectomy? Mine was mutilating and life destroying.”
Reddit user u/Demeaningname 2023
“The physicians really do not do a good job of explaining the side effects. Really makes you wonder if you would do the surgery again. Your self image and lifestyle [are so compromised]!”
Reddit user u/gkloberdanz 2023
“My nerves weren’t spared. And while my PSA was back down to a .04 after the surgery, there’s part of me that regrets losing my sex life completely while Medicaid denies any men’s health treatment. And no guarantees the cancer doesn’t come back. It’s been a hard go, no doubt. I have become quite the solitary human being for this past year.”
Reddit user u/beavermaster 2025
If you had prostate surgery, and identify with any of those things, first off - I am sorry you are feeling this way. Far too many many men are feeling the same way, and I am just as angry as you that they aren’t given a better roadmap for recovery after a prostatectomy. Waking up cancer-free is a big step, but you also want to get back to livin’!
If you are doing your best to prepare for your surgery and are getting bombarded with these stories, please hear me when I say that it doesn’t have to be this way. And honestly, if you are doing your research at all, I have confidence that you care enough to get yourself set up for success.
I’m not here to help you learn to “cope” with wearing diapers or being unable to get an erection you can be proud of. I think you deserve better than that. Instead, I want to provide some practical, research-supported tools to help you find your way out of this hole (or make sure you never fall into it in the first place.) I want you to feel hopeful that you can actually enjoy your life again after cancer treatment, and if that is too much to ask, please feel free to borrow my confidence that it is possible. I believe that survival is only step one, while reclaiming your identity, your sex life, and your fitness is the real finish line.
Why Are Men Unhappy After Their Prostate Surgery?
Usually, disappointment after surgery isn’t the fact that the surgery didn’t work, it is that there are quality of life issues that continue to affect men post-op. If we know what common concerns are after a prostate surgery and we have evidence-backed ways to address those things, why isn’t your doctor making sure to incorporate that into your plan?
It is easy to blame the surgeon for not giving you an accurate picture of the pros/cons of a prostatectomy, giving you a more detailed description of the process, or taking the time to walk you through the strategies to regain bladder control and erectile dysfunction. Believe me, I wish this was happening more often. But, I truly believe that the vast majority of surgeons are trying to do their best for their patients but are held back by the system they work in or their level of knowledge about the intricacies of the rehab process after.
How Our Healthcare System Limits Your Care
If we start with the assumption that your surgeon has only the best intentions, what is holding them back from providing more comprehensive care? We first have to understand the reality: If you had surgery with a Urologist/Oncologist that works within the typical, insurance-based model in the United States, your provider had to work within the constraints of a broken system. The quick behind the curtain is that there is a single, bundled payment for pre-op, surgery, and 90 days of post-op care, and, hint, it isn’t that much (as of July 2026 in my area of Eastern Washington if a Urologist performs a robotic-assisted prostatectomy in the local hospital operating room the payment is between $1,000 and $1,150 which is down 2.5% from previous years). And, if you know anything about insurance billing (yuck!) this doesn’t include facility reimbursement, anesthesiology, medications, and other miscellaneous but necessary billings.
This single payment has to be spread between the physician, nurses, medical assistants, schedulers, and medical billers. The bottom line is: Insurance shenanigans and the corporate healthcare-system structure has forced the physician to focus on surgery and immediate needs only – not long-term, quality of life recovery and rehabilitation.
Your Surgeon May Not Know How to Guide You Through the Rehab Process
I don’t know about you, but I would want my surgeon to be excellent at the surgery they are performing. The actual procedure is their bread and butter and what they rightfully spend most of their time on training for and learning about. They may have some basic information about next steps, but they may just not have the depth of knowledge to give you the direction you need to thrive. If this lack of education is compounded by the fact that they work in a high-paced system that is incentivizing only the procedure itself, it is unlikely that they are going to have the bandwidth to learn everything they need to to fully help you either.
True Success After Prostate Surgery is a Team Sport
The good news is that you can create a custom team to fill in the gaps that the traditional healthcare system often can’t cover. There are many specialists who have the extensive knowledge and tools to help you with different aspects of your recovery. You may want to crush it from the T and have them all, or you may decide to pick and choose based on your needs/desires – both choices are fantastic.
Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist or Men’s Health Coach: A specialist in men’s health and pelvic health is able to see the big picture of your journey. They will understand the treatment process you went through, be able to identify your current limitations, and craft a head-to-toe custom plan to help you reach your health, fitness, and lifestyle goals. While pelvic floor muscle training can be an important part of your rehab journey, it should be much more nuanced than “just do your kegels.” Plus, they can look at your overall movement patterns, activities, and other health markers that may be over-stressing your pelvic floor in the first place. Instead of blanket statements about what to do, a good coach will help you prioritize your energy and strategically progress your treatments until you get where you want to be. While they can’t actually prescribe medications, they can also make sure your medical plan lines up with best-practice guidelines, help you advocate for any missing elements in your care, or suggest referrals to other professionals as needed.
Sex Therapist or Intimacy Coach: There is more to sex and intimacy than penetrative intercourse, and these are the professionals to help you discover this landscape if you haven’t already. While you are waiting and doing the work to help your body regain erections, these are the team members that can help you and your partner to redefine pleasure, try new things. Once you are getting erections again, they can also help conquer a common issue: post-op performance anxiety.
Andrologist or Sexual Medicine Specialist: These specialties are kind of the niche of niches within physician (MD/DO) careers, focusing exclusively on male reproductive health and the physiological and psychological aspects of sexual health respectively. If there are medicine, hormone, or interventional treatments to help you, these folks should know.
Mental Health Therapist or Coach: If you have or had cancer, you are likely still processing a lot of change. You may be stressed about extremely serious things like the cancer itself or even the more mundane worries of “When will I be able to get back to work?” Your relationships may feel different as you have needed to ask for help or your intimacy isn’t the same. Step into the mental gym with these providers to conquer grief, identity shifts, and medical trauma.
Take Charge of Your Prostate Surgery Outcomes
Prostate surgeries don’t happen in a vacuum. Having a skilled surgeon is an important step, but based on their training and the system they work in, they may not be able to give you the results you want on their own. Whether you have already been through treatment and are unsatisfied with your outcomes or you are feeling daunted by the unknown of what’s ahead, please know that you have control in taking back your life after cancer. With time and guidance, I believe you can feel comfortable in your body again and you may even find some unexpected gifts along the way. Asking for and getting support is not a sign of weakness, but instead is way for you to work smarter and stay focused on moving forward day by day.
If you are pre-op or post-op from a prostate surgery and are ready to start building your team, Dr. Nathan is accepting new coaching clients. He will help you build a roadmap, be available to answer any and all questions that come up (nothing is TMI or weird), and be on your side to not only make sure you are cancer-free, but able to get back to your life fully and confidently.
